Your Spell Worked: RBG Is Cancer-Free




  • In Science
  • 2019-01-11 20:37:00Z
  • By Elle
 

From ELLE

Congratulations and thank you to all the American good witches, prayer warriors, the LegalZoom School of Wizardy, and everyone who volunteered to donate a body part to Ruth Bader Ginsburg: your fervent (and sometimes overzealous) best wishes for her health and recovery have been granted. Today, Supreme Court spokesperson Kathleen Arberg announced that the beloved jurist, and the person many Americans have pinned their last remaining hope to, has beaten cancer once again after surgery for two malignant lymph nodes last month. "Her recovery from surgery is on track," Arberg said via statement. "Post-surgery evaluation indicates no evidence of remaining disease, and no further treatment is required."

This is RBG's third bout with cancer after receiving treatment for colon cancer in 2000 and pancreatic cancer 10 years later. I don't want to traffic in hyperbole and it's certain that much of Justice Ginsburg's medical resilience can be attributed to an excellent medical team. That said, I'm willing to call it now: she is invincible.

There's really no other explanation. RBG is 85 years-old, works out every day (which is every day more than me), published a fitness book that actually kicked my butt, goes to work daily and when she can't be there physically works from a hospital bed, and has bested cancer thrice now. THRICE. Ruth Bader Ginsburg may be an Avenger, I'm just saying. Does Ruth Bader Ginsburg have access to a Vibranium mine? I have no evidence that she does but I must ask you, what else could this necklace be holding if not the Purple Flower from Black Panther?

M. Night Shayamalan needs to edit RBG into the upcoming movie Glass, the continuation of his everyday superhero series that includes James McAvoy as Shirtless James McAvoy, Bruce Willis as a man who wears a raincoat and can beat people up, and Samuel L. Jackson as The Mighty Wig.

I may have gotten the names of the superheroes wrong, but they all pale in comparison to Ruth, The Invincible Woman.

This is RBG walking into every doctor's office, hospital, court session and Brett Kavanaugh's happy hour:

Sis is booked and busy and does not have illness on the docket for this court session. She told cancer "thank u, next." She sent cancer a holiday card with this picture and the words "YOU THOUGHT."

According to the court spokesperson, RBG will miss next week's oral arguments but will return to the bench soon thereafter.

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